Welcoming what is
Stress serves us, unless we resist it or hold onto it longer than needed; here's how to clear away the burden of accumulated emotional pain and tension.
This Substack explores ways to support a healthy body and mind. How to reach a state where you are resilient, in balance, whole and connected— and to stay that way.
I refer to this as true health.
So far I’ve covered the following principles:
Accept responsibility for your own health
Empower your innate potential to heal
Create a lifestyle that supports you to thrive
In my last post, I touched on the cumulative effects of stress on our bodies.
Which brings me to principle 4:
Releasing held tension
‘Held’ is somewhat metaphorical, but it’s likely to make intuitive sense to you.
When we don’t feel the sensory and emotional nudges from our body, get overwhelmed or perpetuate them with our thoughts, they get ingrained into the fabric of our being. Whether that’s in physical tension, the lines on our face, reactive behaviours, physiological imbalance or irregular breathing.
My five step process to overcome this is to:
Understand why this happens
Resolve any physical causes for an overwhelmed nervous system
Facilitate an internal sense of safety
Avoid adding more tension to the mix
Release what’s no longer serving you
Releasing this tension frees up energy, supports your self-worth, leads to better choices, better relationships, health, resilience, connection and creativity.
This has been by far the most helpful process on my health journey.
What does ‘held tension’ really mean?
Well, I don’t think we have the full story on that just yet. However, there’s ample theories such as up-regulated and over-aroused neural circuits1, memory fragmentation2, chronic muscular tension3, somatic memory4, uncompleted impulses5, energetic obstructions6 and changes to the structure and functions of cells7.
What that means is that the ‘holding’ occurs below the level of our conscious awareness. That’s why it’s helpful to ‘release’ at the level of the body (i.e. ‘somatically’), rather than trying to use your mind.
Not that this holding is a bad thing!
It’s a highly evolved survival mechanism, but it’s not meant to run full-tilt for months. Following the threat, we’re meant to let it all go and ramp-up regeneration.
Escape the beast and head back to the warmth of the campfire.
I’m referring to the balance between the sympathetic (fight/flight) and parasympathetic (rest/digest) parts of the autonomic nervous system. The vagus nerve is the key player within the latter and is worth reading up on if you’re not yet familiar.
Our modern lives often don’t teach us or facilitate us to maintain that healthy balance.
That can show up as digestive issues, immune reactivity, difficulties sleeping, fatigue, and increased disease risk8. Chronic stress disrupts immune system functioning, leading to inflammation and vulnerability to infections, cancer and autoimmunity.
This usually goes on below the surface; but eventually, it starts to externalise itself as reactive moods, lower stress tolerance, illness and even in the lines of the face.
“It is frightening to behold a face in which bitterness and resentment have lodged. When a person’s life has been bleak, much of it’s negativity can remain unhealed… When bitterness, anger or resentment are left untransfigured, the face becomes a mask. Yet one also encounters the opposite, namely, the beautiful presence of an old face which is deeply lined and inscribed by time and experience, but has retained a lovely innocence” - John O’Donohue
Often this stress isn’t from life-shaking traumas, it’s from the tiny repetitive jabs of our daily lives. Reactive, stressed or busy parents growing up, substance or food overindulgence, loss, pollution, travel, overworking and change.
We weren’t designed to relentlessly grind dawn to dusk, face down in a screen, disconnected from touch, nature, rhythm and restorative rest.
If you’ve somehow cut loose from the grind, there’s also inherited stress from our ancestors, passed through the genetic code through epigenetics9. As well the impact of collective stress, as many experienced during the pandemic.
I often have the sense it’s the people who are holding the most tension that report that they aren’t under any stress at all (perhaps because i’ve been there). This sometimes relates to strategies they’ve developed to fit in with familial or social norms, such as ‘it’s not acceptable [for women] to express anger’. There’s usually co-existent traits such as people-pleasing, excessive self-reliance or self-sacrifice, perfectionism and low self-esteem.
The familiarity of stored tension can also lead people to go as far of seeking out stress in order to maintain it, because the nervous system doesn’t like change. If you’ve survived so far, this supports a belief that the tension has supported that. Change is the unknown, which feels dangerous to the body. This often shows up as busyness, over-achieving, finding problems where there aren’t any, or thrill-seeking.
These gradually rev up the nervous system, escalating tension, which eventually becomes the person's norm. Baseline arousal has remained so high that their physiology doesn’t ‘remember’ what it’s like to feel at peace.
It can sometimes be helpful to test cortisol rhythm, HRV and DHEA, to see where the stress system is really at.
Needless to say, we could ALL do with learning how to better regulate our nervous systems. For most, as I still do regularly, a deep somatic spring clean can do wonders.
If you feel resistant to the idea of that, it’s likely you could really benefit.
"True human enlightenment will happen when all human beings on this planet have regulated their nervous systems." - Peter Levine
… and if you’re ready to jump right in, how to crack on?
First it’s helpful to know a little bit about what happens in the body when we experience stress from a perceived ‘threat’. Threats include things such as anxious thoughts, perceived rejection, or a loud noise. Understanding something about these circuits makes it easier to see how they can be rewired into greater coherence, which translates as better function across the board… health, relationships and work.
Here’s a few more metaphors…
Areas of the brain, particularly the limbic system which includes the amygdala, have a role in ‘scanning’ for threats, which are received as sensory signals, such as emotions10.
These threat signals are then matched with previous memories11. For example, if you see someone weilding a knife and you feel fear, you might match that with knowledge or memories of what happens when people get stabbed.
The fear informs you this is a potential threat, which leads to activation of automatic, preconditioned responses to prevent you getting harmed. These can be quite complex, but are often summarised by the phrase ‘fight or flight’.
I can actually feel a subtle tension rising in my body just writing that, imaging the knife coming at me! The body alone can’t tell the difference between real and imagined.
However, feeling that tension combined with other sensory inputs that inform me i’m safe at my desk, a reactive response (such as running away) isn’t activated.
I quickly feel the tension dissipate again.
If we don’t process emotions by experiencing them fully and returning to safety, stress signals build up in our bodies.
Many things get in the way of us doing this, such as having our attention absorbed outwards, feeling overly stressed or unsafe already, identifying with being ‘strong’, or the perception that the emotion is unacceptable to feel or express.
As tension accumulates from unprocessed emotions, the limbic system becomes jumpy and is quicker to push the big red ‘panic button’ in response to threats12 (real or imagined!). We might not feel this, but under the surface tension builds.
Sometimes it’s obvious, such as an escalating heart rate, muscular tension, aggression, freezing, or startling when someone enters the room. Inputs from the rational brain are dampened down, since these are slow and considered (which isn’t ideal when a knife is coming at you); this results in rigid, defensive thinking. Regenerative bodily functions such as digestion are deprioritised, which is bad news for health.
Survival responses are fast, simple and automatic - they’re usually not a helpful response when it comes to our modern day stressors. The more they get activated, the more habitual they become » until they’re your default way of showing up in the world.
It’s not the stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it – Hans Selye
The limbic system is linked up with the hormone and nervous systems, which helps coordinate these responses. That’s why a single fearful thought can lead to a cascade of messages which are ‘heard’ by every cell in the body.
It also explains why feeling gratitude, signalling that you are safe, helps encourage cells to repair and regenerate.
Some of this is simplified, but it gives you the gist of it.
To summarise, a strong determining factor of your vulnerability to stress-related illness depends on whether you subconsciously ‘see’ the world as safe or dangerous.
This ‘seeing’ is related to the tension you’re holding onto, rather than your actual vocalised worldview. If you see the world as threatening, your nervous system is always going to be just that little bit more activated, preparing to fight rather than cracking on with essential repair work.
The limbic system can end up in a constant state of ‘emergency-mode’, perpetuating over-activation of the fight/flight response. Keep in mind that this over-activation can also also happen due to physical factors such as brain injuries, toxins and infections.
How to let go
Step one: resolve any physical causes for an unsettled nervous system
Physical factors can also rev up your nervous system, so working with a functional medicine practitioner can help you identify and resolve these.
Have you heard of the gut-brain axis? If your gut is out of balance this can absolutely contribute to excess nervous system activation. As can oxidative stress, inflammation, toxins, head injuries, infections, hormones and a number of other factors.
Supplements can also be helpful for a while, such as B vitamins, magnesium, adaptogens and electrolytes for hydration. Although you’d do best avoiding random combinations from dodgy sources, which do more harm than good.
I recommend a personalised, targeted protocol, that actually works.
Step two: enhance your personal resources to facilitate an internal sense of safety
A highly effective natural resource for emotional processing is sleep, glorious sleep. Getting a good night's kip is definitely worth some of your precious attention. I’ve written some suggested strategies for this.
Your support network is another huge buffer. Find someone who you feel seen and supported around… whether that’s family, friends, pets or a therapist or a mentor. In my experience, for an emotional deep clean it’s invaluable to have a professional holding space for you (see step 4 for more on this).
What foods and drinks are most nourishing and grounding when you feel stressed? What environments are most supportive?
Give yourself opportunities to be in solitude, which is different from being lonely or isolated. This is often how we best discover the beauty of our internal world and our unique personal resources. I find nature especially helpful for this.
Most importantly, practice being able to calm your nervous system into ‘safety’. There are numerous ways of doing this, including breathwork, meditation, visualisation, biofeedback, self-hypnosis, vagal toning, yoga, sound healing, expressive therapies such art and music, nature, hydrotherapy, HeartMath and the Dynamic Neural Retraining System.
A simple technique can be to pay attention to the present-moment sensations going on around you, such as the feel of the your skin on the ground, or carefully examining the textures of a material.
Here are some other links to support this, which work well in combination:
Step three: ensure you’re not adding to the burden
That means acknowledging your sensory inputs in the present moment so that they can be properly integrated. Listen to the message of stress whilst either being grounded in safety or following the natural impulses which return you to safety, such as crying, making noise or moving.
Following these impulses takes a bit of getting used to, as our society has so often conditioned us to hold them in - but that hold takes effort. Holding drains your precious energy and prevents their natural release. No thanks.
Some impulses, such as the desire to yell at someone, eat or open instagram, are distractions from emotional pain, or are linked to survival templates or overwhelm. If you recognise an impulse won’t serve you, simply hold it in your awareness, acknowledge the pain behind it, let yourself know it’s ok to feel this way, then use a resource from step two.
The more you practice this, the more aware you’ll become of the signs of stress in your body. Over time you’ll build healthier patterns of responding to this.
Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor – Thích Nhất Hạnh
Stress gets perpetuated when we fall into spiralling thoughts about past or future.
When we’re in the present moment, sensing our bodies, the natural lifespan of depleting emotions such as anxiety or anger tends to be short.
It comes, gives it’s messages, and goes.
More listening, less suppressing, less reacting; more responding.
In Western academia this is often referred to as ‘mindfulness’, the ability to direct awareness to the present moment, such as to your internal bodily sensations just as they are. No judgement, no resistance. The benefits of this are numerous and all strongly supported by the research base13.
Your attention is incredibly precious; many of the brightest minds in the world devote their lives to finding ways to prize it away from you, with everything from flashy adverts to social media notifications. Where your attention goes, energy flows.
What are you putting your energy into?
How is your nervous system responding to that?
All sensations are transitory; the more we resist them, the more unpleasant they feel; the resistance tells our nervous systems it’s unsafe. That’s my experience at least.
For a while I had harmless palpitations in med school; playfully I tried to intentionally perpetuate them when it happened (i.e. with my mind!), and they never happened again! I presume because this removed my resistance to them, which was driving the stress that caused them.
Connecting with our emotions, we learn how certain thoughts are registered in the body. For example, “My heart is jumping, what if i’m dying!” was not a helpful thought, but in noticing that, I was able to direct more attention to mindfully being with the sensations that arose as a result of it,
For some, these internal feelings are a no-go - too painful, numbed out or overwhelming to get even the slightest bit close to. If that’s the case, as I mentioned above, it’s helpful to anchor to something external, such as noticing the colours of objects around you, or smells or sounds.
Drop the narratives, flow into the stillness; feel your feet on the ground, notice your breath, be curious about what’s around you; just notice… ever so gently, the changing sensations, the passing of thoughts, the silence.
Step four: gently integrate held emotions
The way I see it, techniques for doing this seem to centre around reactivating the memory whilst in a state of relaxation or felt safety. This reprocesses the memory to file it as as ‘everything is ok, the danger is over’. The brain ‘labels’ the memory as ‘no longer a threat’, and the reactive responses stop getting activated.
Understanding this process means every day is an opportunity to heal, since life usually finds ways of poking us where it hurts. People often refer to this memory-matching process as being ‘triggered’.
The more revved up the nervous system (i.e. higher stress levels), the less the new threat needs to match the initial memory - even if it slightly resembles it, such as similar sounds or colours, it can get activated.
If the person is triggered without having the resources to deal with it, this can make the reactive, survival response more likely to happen again. That’s why talking about the narrative often isn’t the best approach.
Since this is all going on subconsciously, in the body, these memories often arise as sensations (i.e. heat, aches, pressure, pulsations, shivers etc), sometimes with associated impulses, insights, emotions, specific memories or images. All of the above steps will support you to feel and integrate these; to mindfully allow them to pass through without resistance or attaching a narrative.
As a reminder:
Stay in the present movement by focusing your attention within your body or on your surrounding environment
Use your resources to create a felt sense of safety
Be compassionate with yourself; this is about letting go, not pushing and forcing
There’s something powerful about having this process witnessed by another person. In my experience, as soon as I enter the clinic room of a somatic practitioner I can feel the sensations of held tension starting to rise in anticipation.
Here’s a few methods which my clients report the most benefit from:
Somatic experiencing
EMDR or Brainspotting
Havening or Emotional Freedom Technique
Cranio-sacral therapy
Breathwork
Yoga / Qigong / Tai Chi
Physical therapies such as osteopathic manipulation and lymphatic drainage, can also be supportive.
Gradually, this process strengthens your relationship with your interior word.
With the wisdom of your body.
With your intuition.
Not only does this help process past emotions, it gets you in tune with exactly what your body needs to heal and thrive.
You can gain a strong sense of exactly what foods, supplements, activities and people best serve your health. Since there’s so much conflicting health advice out there, and everyone’s needs are unique, I believe that’s one of the surest paths to permanent health!
May your body be blessed.
May you realize that your body is a faithful
and beautiful friend of your soul.
And may you be peaceful and joyful
and recognize that your senses
are sacred thresholds.
May you realize that holiness is
mindful, gazing, feeling, hearing, and touching.
May your senses gather you and bring you home.
May your senses always enable you to
celebrate the universe and the mystery
and possibilities in your presence here.
May the Eros of the Earth bless you.
John O’Donohue
(I’m reading anam cara at the moment hence why John features twice here!)
Christoffel, D.J., Golden, S.A. and Russo, S.J., 2011. Structural and synaptic plasticity in stress-related disorders.
Buck, N., Kindt, M., Van Den Hout, M., Steens, L. and Linders, C., 2006. Perceptual memory representations and memory fragmentation as predictors of post-trauma symptoms. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 35(3), pp.259-272.
Glaros, A.G., Williams, K. and Lausten, L., 2005. The role of parafunctions, emotions and stress in predicting facial pain. The Journal of the American Dental Association, 136(4), pp.451-458.
Van der Kolk, B.A., 2002. Beyond the talking cure: Somatic experience and subcortical imprints in the treatment of trauma.
Richards, J.M. and Gross, J.J., 2000. Emotion regulation and memory: the cognitive costs of keeping one's cool. Journal of personality and social psychology, 79(3), p.410.
Wisneski L, Anderson L. The Scientific Basis of Integrative Medicine. Evid Based Complement Alternat Med. 2005 Jun;2(2):257–9. doi: 10.1093/ecam/neh079. Epub 2005 Apr 13. PMCID: PMC1142191.
Picard M, McEwen BS. Psychological Stress and Mitochondria: A Conceptual Framework. Psychosom Med. 2018 Feb/Mar;80(2):126-140. doi: 10.1097/PSY.0000000000000544. PMID: 29389735; PMCID: PMC5901651.
Curtis, B.M. and O'Keefe Jr, J.H., 2002, January. Autonomic tone as a cardiovascular risk factor: the dangers of chronic fight or flight. In Mayo Clinic Proceedings (Vol. 77, No. 1, pp. 45-54). Elsevier.
Ghai, M. and Kader, F., 2022. A review on epigenetic inheritance of experiences in humans. Biochemical Genetics, 60(4), pp.1107-1140. Vancouver.
Catani, M., Dell’Acqua, F. and De Schotten, M.T., 2013. A revised limbic system model for memory, emotion and behaviour. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 37(8), pp.1724-1737.
Okhai, F., 2010. Human givens psychotherapy. Arab Journal of Psychiatry, 21(1), pp.9-28.
McCraty, R. and Zayas, M.A., 2014. Cardiac coherence, self-regulation, autonomic stability, and psychosocial well-being. Frontiers in psychology, p.1090
Grossman, P., Niemann, L., Schmidt, S. and Walach, H., 2004. Mindfulness-based stress reduction and health benefits: A meta-analysis. Journal of psychosomatic research, 57(1), pp.35-43.